Power FEPs

1. Do you have a separate spur for your hi-fi?
   If yes, add 40 points.
   
   Yes No
2. Is your system plugged into a power conditioner, powerline enhancer, or computer power bar?
   If yes subtract 100 points (because this one thing kills the groove more than a legion of active Kans could ever hope to fix).
   
   Yes No

Source FEPs

1. Do you own any of the following tables: LP12, Rega P9, or Roxy?
   If yes, add 40 points.
   
   Yes No
2. Or these tables: Linn Axis, Rega P25, or the Michell rotating cake stands?
   If yes, add 30 points.
   
   Yes No
3. Or these: P3, Linn Basic, old Heybrook, or Revolver?
   If yes, add 20 points.
   
   Yes No
4. Any American table?
   If yes, subtract 30 points.
   
   Yes No
5. Is your turntable placed on a dedicated altar?
   If yes, add 20 points.
   
   Yes No
6. Does your table have an external power supply?
   If yes, add 30 points.
   
   Yes No
7. Is your turntable worth more than your speakers?
   If yes, add 35 points.
   
   Yes No
8. Is your table better than your arm?
   If yes, add 20 points. If not, subtract 10.
   
   Yes No
9. Is your arm better than your cartridge?
   If yes, add 20 points. If not, subtract 10.
   
   Yes No
10. If you understand why the last two questions were asked,
    add 10 points. If not, subtract 10. (Be honest.)
    
    Yes No
11. Do you own a record cleaner?
    If yes, add 25 points.
    
    Yes No
12. Do you use fancy anti-static inner sleeves?
    If yes, add 10 points.
    
    Yes No
13. Does your turntable's platter weigh 50 kg or more?
    If yes, subtract 25 points.
    
    Yes No
14. Does your turntable have a record clamp?
    If yes, subtract 10 points.
    
    Yes No
15. Is CD your only source?
    If yes, subtract 10 points, unless you own a CDS-II (add 30 points), a CDS, CDX + XPS or CD12 (add 20 points), a CDI, CD2, or CDX (add 10 points), or a CD3 or CD3.5 (add 5 points).
    
    Yes No Own a CDS-II Own a CDS, CDX + XPS or CD12 Own a CDI, CD2, or CDX Own a CD3 or CD3.5

Electronics FEPs

1. Does your preamp have a mono switch?
   If yes, add 30 points.
   
   Yes No
2. Have you ever accidentally left the preamp in mono but didn't notice for days?
   If yes, add 20 points.
   
   Yes No
3. Did you paint the front of your 52 silver to match the rest of your classic Flat Earth kit?
   If yes, add 20 points. (This is to establish whether you're a Flat Earther of yore, obviously worth 20 points in and of itself.)
   
   Yes No
4. Did you chintz out and get your preamp without a phono input?
   If yes, subtract 50 points, unless you did this specifically to free up money for a separate phono stage.
   If you did that, add 80 points.
   
   Yes No Saving for separate phono stage
5. Does your preamp weigh 5 pounds and your power amp weigh 500?
   If yes, subtract 40 points.
   
   Yes No
6. Did you go active before maxing out your source, preamp and power supply?
   If yes, subtract 20 points.
   
   Yes No
7. Does your preamp have tubes?
   If yes, subtract 30 points.
   
   Yes No
8. Does your power amp have tubes?
   If yes, subtract 30 points.
   Yes No

Speaker FEPs

1. Do you own any of the following speakers: Kan I, Kan II, Sara, Isobarik, IBL, SBL, NBL, DBL, Quad 57s?
   If yes, add 40 points.
   
   Yes No
2. Do you own speakers by any of the following manufacturers: Royd, Neat, Epos or Dynaudio?
   If yes, add 30 points.
   
   Yes No
3. Do you own speakers by any American manufacturer?
   If yes, subtract 80 points (because this is almost as bad as line conditioners for killing the music).
   
   Yes No
4. Do you position your speakers for the best overall groove and image?
   (zero points), best groove (add 20 points), or best image (subtract 20 points)?
   
   No best groove best image

Lifestyle FEPs

1. Do you enjoy air, space and blackness?
   If yes, subtract 40 points.
   
   Yes No
2. Do you go to live concerts to enjoy air, space and blackness?
   If yes, subtract 80 points for being a wanker.
   
   Yes No
3. Is it better to have thin but groovy bass?
   (add 20 points) or full but flubby bass (subtract 20 points)?
   
   Yes Full but flubby
4. Have you ever spent an afternoon adjusting the tracking force for that magic value between 1.95 g and 1.96g?
   If yes, add 20 points.
   
   Yes No
5. Do you vacuum your cartridge regularly, knowing full well that one day you'll suck the generator right out?
   If yes, add 15 points.
   
   Yes No
6. Did you try all four positions of the belt and both positions of the mat on your LP12 to determine which sounds best?
   If yes, add 10 points.
   If you ever wondered whether the belt and mat combinations interact and therefore exponentially increase the number of permutations add another 10 points.
   Add another 10 if you tried all permutations.
   
   Yes No wondered whether the belt and mat combinations exponentially increase the number of permutations tried all permutations
7. Do you spend Saturday afternoon at garage sales, looking for 50 cent LPs?
   If yes, add 10 points.
   
   Yes No
8. Do you own a 45 RMP version of Yello's "Stella"?
   If yes, add 5 points.
   
   Yes No
9. Do you own a half-speed master of ELP's "Tarkus"?
   If yes, subtract 40 points.
   
   Yes No
10. Do you buy half-speed mastered audiophool LPs for their smooth, silky sound?
    If yes subtract 35 points.
    
    Yes No
11. Have you ever gone to a shop that carries high-end American gear?
    If you go to deliberately take the piss in front of the salesdude, add 40 points. If you go to report here how dire the system sounded, add 20 points.
    If you go because you're wondering if a soundstage is for you, subtract 20 points.
    
    Taking a piss Reporting how dire the system sounded Wondering if a soundstage is for me
12. Have you ever dreamt about hi-fi?
    Was it about hearing or owning better Flat Earth kit (add 20 points) or
    about hearing or owning better Round Earth kit (subtract 20 points). About hearing or owning better Flat Earth kit About hearing or owning better Round Earth kit